30 October 2011

Grandma Ann

My family history is scandalous, as is most everyone's.  Mine, however, holds a bit of extra scandalous sauce.  My mother was an "adopted" child.  I put this word in quotations as I am not certain that the adoption was ever actually legal and finalized.  Her birth mother did not choose to give her up, nor did she even know where she was placed.  This was the result of a vindictive husband, who didn't want the children, but did not want for her to have them.  My mother was never given the full story, but was raised to believe that her birth mother had abandoned her.

Several years ago, I found out that my mother was adopted. I became curious about my biological grandparents.  I had the displeasure of meeting the biological grandfather.  He was an ass and treated me as if I were filth.  All this before I was even made aware of who he was in my genetic map. I was horrified and hurt when I found out who he was.  I decided to try and find my biological grandmother.

About three years ago I took up this task in earnest.  One of my favorite activities is research, and I am good at it.  It did not take long, and I was able to get in touch with my Grandmother, I even had her phone number.  we made a date to talk on the phone, and believe me, I was nervous... until I started talking to her.

The first time that I spoke with my Gma Ann, we spoke for a good couple of hours. She was funny, charming, informative, etc.  I truly enjoyed her personality, and wanted the opportunity to get to know her. Sadly, her health was failing. So many years that we were robbed of, how does one make up for that, she in Oregon, and me in Texas.

Today, I got the news that she is close to her last moments on this plane of existence.  I have feared this moment would come.  It pains me to think that I still have not even had the opportunity to look into her eyes.  So tonight I contemplate spending the bulk of my savings so that I may spend a few moments in her presence.........

20 October 2011

Number 4?

I have a huge love for children, and a great deal more patience for them than I do for the average adult human.  I believe that they all deserve the best chances and opportunities possible during their childhood.  That is what makes childhood great.  I was very fortunate growing up.  I lived in a home with a mom and dad who loved me dearly and provided for me anything I could wish for.  I took ballet, had a pony, had access to more books than I could read..... Even decisions that, at the time, seemed to be cruel, were actually for my benefit (i.e. my parents' decision not to have a television in the house.)

As a result of my upbringing, I am grateful, and have a huge ache in my heart for those who do not share the same sort or similar of advantages of being in a loving home.  I do not want to be one of those people who feels empathy towards those less fortunate, but I want to be one of those people who actively works to better the lives of those around me.  Which brings me to my real reason for writing.....

My daughter very recently started kindergarten.  She is a remarkable and spirited young lady with a heart of gold.  I cannot sing the praises of my daughter enough.  I truly love and admire her.  That is besides the point,  though.  It is within her experience as a kindergartener that she has come across some other amazing individuals.  One such is her "reading buddy."

Each week, at least once, the children in Kinder are sent to go and work with a reading mentor, a child from 5th or 6th grade.  These mentors help them develop the skills to become stellar readers.  My sweet daughter has been particularly blessed to have the most amazing of mentors, a phenomenal child that I am glad to have the pleasure to know.

The girl that mentors my daughter approached me in the halls the first time I met her.  She came and told me that my daughter is doing remarkably well in her class, and is a joy to be around.  One of the next times I saw her was on a particularly difficult morning.  My daughter did not want to go to school, and she was crying and wouldn't let go of me.  This sweet little girl came up to us and addressed my daughter, asking her to walk her into school. My daughter responded immediately and took her hand, walking happily inside the building.  Each time I have seen her mentor, she has been loving and kind and truly just an absolute pleasure.

Having been so impressed by this girl's kindness toward my daughter, I  wanted to inquire of her teacher to see if it would be alright to give the girl a little something for Christmas.  I went after school to her teacher and asked. Her teacher said absolutely it would be alright. Then I sang the praises of her mentor and told her how happy I was that my daughter had been placed with her.  That is when I found out her story.

The little girl that has been so kind and loving to my daughter is quite effectively an orphan. I was floored when I heard this.  My immediate response was, "How do I go about adopting her?"  Of course, that was a knee-jerk reaction, but it got me thinking.  Why not?  We have the means....

I have thought about the possibility of her being abused, and in turn becoming an abuser.  I have considered that that might effect my children adversely.  At this point, I believe I am in the "information gathering" stage. My daughter's teacher is going to inquire a wee bit into the matter.  From there, I can consider where to go.  At this point, however, the situation looks promising, and I am hopeful.

18 October 2011

Promises, Promises

Yesterday, during casual conversation, a new friend shared some Words of Wisdom from her Mother that truly hit home with me.  We were discussing her resolve to quit smoking, when she told me about breaking a promise to one's self.  According to her mother, breaking a promise to yourself is a huge blow to your self esteem.

Consider that your inner, or higher self, knows what the next step in your development should be.  You know the path that you should be on.  For instance, you know that by quitting smoking you will be healthier.  You promise yourself that on such-and-such a day, you will walk away from this bad habit and never look back.  This is truly the best choice for you.

Two weeks after making this decision, you falter and go back to old, unhealthy habits.  This action is telling your subconscious that this much needed change that would have a positive effect on your development is not important because you are not important.  You are undermining your self worth. 

This idea stayed with me.  It puts a whole lot of weight on new resolutions.....  Samhain is coming up, and I usually write my Top 25 goals for the year.  These are the things that I would like to manifest in my life over the coming year.  ..... I am ready......