My Crafty Side

I made some very important decisions last night. I love making things, to the point where, if I am not creating something new, I feel a bit anxious and unfulfilled. That is one of the reasons that I began my etsy shop.  I wanted to make what I love more than just a hobby.  However, I believe that the shop has taken from me some of the love that I have for the craft-ing.

I have not been terribly successful on Etsy. I think that the amount of time and self promotion that is needed to stand out from the crowd, is more than I really want to invest. I want to just be free to make the things that I love most, and not have to try to market them as well.  It is just too much effort and energy doing something I really don't care to do.

So, I have decided to let the listings in my Etsy shop expire.  I shall no longer pursue that avenue for peddling my wares.  I don't know if this is a permanent, but it is definite for right now.  I am very serious about being the writer I claim to be, and so I need to clear my plate of  several activities that get in the way of my progress.

Currently I am in the research phase of a book that I have to write.  This book requires my concentration and is calling my name.  Until further notice, I am hanging up the Etsy hat.

The Letter

I sit here, the letter that I had written to my Grandmother still within my sight....

I spent two very glorious, yet very sad days with my ailing grandmother last week.  My grandmother was dying of lung cancer, and rather than attend her funeral, I chose to spend what little money that I had saved up, on a plane ticket to go and be in her presence.

Cancer is an evil, terrible, horrible disease that should be eradicated from our universe.  To see someone you love so emaciated that you can bear witness to each and every bone within their body. To be in constant pain, each and every day, a pain that copious doses of morphine, oxycottons, and various other pills cannot but dull a little.  To have to trade awareness and lucidity for a reprieve from suffering..... only to drown in your own bed...... I hate Cancer......

I was blessed to be able to see my Grandmother before she passed.  I will forever be grateful of the time spent. The hospice where she was for her last few months of life was operated by this amazing family.  They allowed me to spend the night with her and care for her as much as I was able.


As I packed up my stuff, she told me that she wished I didn't have to go.  I agreed that I would prefer to stay a bit longer, but that I was unable. She understood, but asked that I not forget her, and that I write a letter.  I promised to do so. I kept that promise too.  I wrote to her the very next morning after I arrived home.  I was going to stamp it and send it to her..... when I got the news......

Grandma Ann

My family history is scandalous, as is most everyone's.  Mine, however, holds a bit of extra scandalous sauce.  My mother was an "adopted" child.  I put this word in quotations as I am not certain that the adoption was ever actually legal and finalized.  Her birth mother did not choose to give her up, nor did she even know where she was placed.  This was the result of a vindictive husband, who didn't want the children, but did not want for her to have them.  My mother was never given the full story, but was raised to believe that her birth mother had abandoned her.

Several years ago, I found out that my mother was adopted. I became curious about my biological grandparents.  I had the displeasure of meeting the biological grandfather.  He was an ass and treated me as if I were filth.  All this before I was even made aware of who he was in my genetic map. I was horrified and hurt when I found out who he was.  I decided to try and find my biological grandmother.

About three years ago I took up this task in earnest.  One of my favorite activities is research, and I am good at it.  It did not take long, and I was able to get in touch with my Grandmother, I even had her phone number.  we made a date to talk on the phone, and believe me, I was nervous... until I started talking to her.

The first time that I spoke with my Gma Ann, we spoke for a good couple of hours. She was funny, charming, informative, etc.  I truly enjoyed her personality, and wanted the opportunity to get to know her. Sadly, her health was failing. So many years that we were robbed of, how does one make up for that, she in Oregon, and me in Texas.

Today, I got the news that she is close to her last moments on this plane of existence.  I have feared this moment would come.  It pains me to think that I still have not even had the opportunity to look into her eyes.  So tonight I contemplate spending the bulk of my savings so that I may spend a few moments in her presence.........

Number 4?

I have a huge love for children, and a great deal more patience for them than I do for the average adult human.  I believe that they all deserve the best chances and opportunities possible during their childhood.  That is what makes childhood great.  I was very fortunate growing up.  I lived in a home with a mom and dad who loved me dearly and provided for me anything I could wish for.  I took ballet, had a pony, had access to more books than I could read..... Even decisions that, at the time, seemed to be cruel, were actually for my benefit (i.e. my parents' decision not to have a television in the house.)

As a result of my upbringing, I am grateful, and have a huge ache in my heart for those who do not share the same sort or similar of advantages of being in a loving home.  I do not want to be one of those people who feels empathy towards those less fortunate, but I want to be one of those people who actively works to better the lives of those around me.  Which brings me to my real reason for writing.....

My daughter very recently started kindergarten.  She is a remarkable and spirited young lady with a heart of gold.  I cannot sing the praises of my daughter enough.  I truly love and admire her.  That is besides the point,  though.  It is within her experience as a kindergartener that she has come across some other amazing individuals.  One such is her "reading buddy."

Each week, at least once, the children in Kinder are sent to go and work with a reading mentor, a child from 5th or 6th grade.  These mentors help them develop the skills to become stellar readers.  My sweet daughter has been particularly blessed to have the most amazing of mentors, a phenomenal child that I am glad to have the pleasure to know.

The girl that mentors my daughter approached me in the halls the first time I met her.  She came and told me that my daughter is doing remarkably well in her class, and is a joy to be around.  One of the next times I saw her was on a particularly difficult morning.  My daughter did not want to go to school, and she was crying and wouldn't let go of me.  This sweet little girl came up to us and addressed my daughter, asking her to walk her into school. My daughter responded immediately and took her hand, walking happily inside the building.  Each time I have seen her mentor, she has been loving and kind and truly just an absolute pleasure.

Having been so impressed by this girl's kindness toward my daughter, I  wanted to inquire of her teacher to see if it would be alright to give the girl a little something for Christmas.  I went after school to her teacher and asked. Her teacher said absolutely it would be alright. Then I sang the praises of her mentor and told her how happy I was that my daughter had been placed with her.  That is when I found out her story.

The little girl that has been so kind and loving to my daughter is quite effectively an orphan. I was floored when I heard this.  My immediate response was, "How do I go about adopting her?"  Of course, that was a knee-jerk reaction, but it got me thinking.  Why not?  We have the means....

I have thought about the possibility of her being abused, and in turn becoming an abuser.  I have considered that that might effect my children adversely.  At this point, I believe I am in the "information gathering" stage. My daughter's teacher is going to inquire a wee bit into the matter.  From there, I can consider where to go.  At this point, however, the situation looks promising, and I am hopeful.

Promises, Promises

Yesterday, during casual conversation, a new friend shared some Words of Wisdom from her Mother that truly hit home with me.  We were discussing her resolve to quit smoking, when she told me about breaking a promise to one's self.  According to her mother, breaking a promise to yourself is a huge blow to your self esteem.

Consider that your inner, or higher self, knows what the next step in your development should be.  You know the path that you should be on.  For instance, you know that by quitting smoking you will be healthier.  You promise yourself that on such-and-such a day, you will walk away from this bad habit and never look back.  This is truly the best choice for you.

Two weeks after making this decision, you falter and go back to old, unhealthy habits.  This action is telling your subconscious that this much needed change that would have a positive effect on your development is not important because you are not important.  You are undermining your self worth. 

This idea stayed with me.  It puts a whole lot of weight on new resolutions.....  Samhain is coming up, and I usually write my Top 25 goals for the year.  These are the things that I would like to manifest in my life over the coming year.  ..... I am ready......

Bringin' Back the Good Ole Days!

I have convinced my S.O. that we really and truly need to make the other structure on our property into a library.  I have always wanted a library, as those of you who read my blog regularly may recall.  I have been collecting books my whole life in hope that one day I will have one.  That day is soon coming now. So, it is also about time that we bring back the Bookplate.

Bookplates hit the height of popularity at the end of the Victorian Era, or so my research tells me.  It is a sad thing that they fell from fashion, however, as there are so many lovely designs. What better way to mark ownership?  Certainly, a special inscription inside the cover is nice, but only when is comes in a book delivered as a gift.

It is always a welcome surprise when I pick up an old book from a bygone era, at a yard sale or used book store, and find an old book plate inside the cover.  I fantasize about who that person must have been, building my story upon the type of book chosen as well as the type of bookplate.

So, the questions now posed are these:  What sort of bookplate(s) should I choose?  Do I use a different style for each genre?  Do I design my own, or draw from the tradition?  The one below is a stamp that one can place within their book with just a wee bit of ink.... (though I am partial to the actual paper inserts.)

I best get started.  I have over 1,000 books that are begging for bookplates....

Word!

As I have written on more than one occasion, I am terribly book obsessed.  Books were my first friends, and my dearest companions.  To this day, if I need a bit of comfort on a dreary day, I look to books to provide that for me.  In fact, I carry a book with me everywhere I go, and feel naked if this significant detail is somehow overlooked in a day. My love runs deep, so I was excited when I found Bookfessions, a blog collection of bibliophile's confessions.  I can relate to most each and every one of them....

The internet has gifted me with so many different sources for fueling and organizing my book fever.  There are two other sites that I would like to share with you, Library Thing and Goodreads.  I use them both regularly, but for different reasons, which I will explain..

Library Thing is an online database where one can keep track of all the books on their bookshelves. You can tag each one with helpful info so that you can easily search you library later in order to find various books.

I really enjoy the community aspect of Library Thing.  Each time you add a book you can see all of the other members that have the same book.  Often this is not very interesting, but if you have a rare book, and there are only a couple of other members that also have a copy, it can be the start of a good conversation.

Library Thing also compares your library with that of other members which is always fun to find a kindred soul who shares a similar library.  If you are like me, that is one of the first things I do when I visit a new friend's house, I peruse their book collection attempting to glean information about them, this just cuts to the chase.

If you decide to join Library Thing, please look me up.  My username is SpookySpice.  I have been a member of this site since it was in beta and I have yet to finish adding all of my books, but that is a because I keep getting new ones before I finish adding all of the old ones....

My second book tool is Goodreads.  You might be wondering why I would need another book recording site, when I already have Library Thing, but I can easily explain this.  I am, as you know, and avid book reader.  I read constantly and not all of the books that I read are in my personal collection.  Many of them I borrow from friends or the library.  This being so, I can't really add them to my Library Thing shelf, can I?  So, my solution is to record then in Goodreads.  I try to write a simple review for each book I read as well.

As you may have noticed, there is a link to my shelf on the sidebar of this page.....

I have only been a member of Goodreads for a little over 3 years now, and have only been adding books as I read them, not often from the past. As such, my list is incomplete, but that is a project for another day. ....